I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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