I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Randomize
