Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
you had me at cake vodka
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
