Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
