he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
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