we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
