I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
