Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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