I think im going to throw up on grandma
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
