i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
