well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
