You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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