I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Found the puke drawer
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
