Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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