Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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