If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
