Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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