Someone shit on the floor
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
