I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
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