i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
