"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
