The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
just found out that she named her cat after me.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
