Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
