ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
