based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
