i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
