Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
