it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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