My liver just broke up with me...
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
