Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
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