HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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