Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
