chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
