so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
