I must be too annoying 4 u.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
