we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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