Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
You need Xanax blowdarts
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
