I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
