____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
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