I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
