yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
this is an emotional support booty call
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
