is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
