the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
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