So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Randomize
