Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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