And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
