It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
