so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Randomize
