I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
