i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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