So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
