This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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