you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
