so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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